Overheard in Panera

This should actually be a category of posts on its own, as I'm at Panera a couple times a week and am often treated to the conversations of true wackadoos.

This morning, a man sits with his teenage son at a table very close to mine. Said man has done his level best to terrorize the son during the past 45 minutes. Evidently, father thinks son is not working hard enough to secure an internship with a major investment firm for next year (son's first year in college).

Father: "Do you want to be a floor sweeper? That's what your option will be if you don't GET this internship."
(A's thoughts: Is the line between Wall Street investment banker and broom pusher really so thin? Holy crap! What does this mean for me? One stumble and I'll be working as a low-dollar hooker on the south side of... I don't know, south side of somewhere... I'm really listening now. This man could be saving his son's life AND mine.)

Father: "Give me an example -- one example -- of your advanced critical thinking skills."
(A's thoughts: This kid's frontal lobe isn't fully developed, Father. It's true.)

Son: "Um, I called the lifeguard when I saw someone in trouble in the pool."
(A's thought: Poor kid, he's really nervous now. Totally white bread, upper middle class. Father is now painting a picture of ghetto life, something he's read about in the Washington Post. Sweat. Sweat. Thus came Son's lifeguard scenario.)

Father: "That is most certainly not an example of critical thinking skills. Is that the best you can do? What are you learning in your advanced business courses? I could have answered such a question when I was your age. You are behind."

And so it continued. Really, it became quite intense. Is this what leads to those seemingly inexplicable stories of suburban tragedy where the teenage son who "had it all" turns on his parents?

I get so annoyed. While the scene started out humorous, by the end of their conversation, I felt like gouging my fork in the dad's eye.

Gotta get back to work. I'm evidently one slip-up away from panhandling and pimpville.